I Search 'Why'

The average person rates Public Speaking somewhere above Death on the fear-o-meter. The idea of being embarassed in front of people seems to terrify the masses but like with most things, I am grossly different. I love getting in front of people. I just always seem to have something to say. This springs from many different sources. I have an insatiable need for attention matched with an overactive brain. When I was in public speaking in High School I never wrote a single speech. I made them all up on the spot, it was the way I liked it. When many people hear this they get queasy. The very idea of getting up in front of people without a script is alien and wrong. I was just a natural I suppose. One might think that a person like this belongs in theatre. I wish I could have. It just never happened for me but I always wanted the adulation. I could never make myself get in line behind those I felt were less talented than I. How obnoxious is that? Even I am offended by own lack of modesty sometimes. As I grew up I realized that there is truth in the phrase "There are no small parts, just small actors." By the time I had the maturity to actually try, it was too late, I had to be satisfied with performing table-side and I find myself unsatisfied with that. I tried Childrens theater for a while and they are the greatest audience you can have. I was fortunate to get paid for my efforts and to always have good strong roles. The problem was it never paid the bills entirely. I got involved with restaurants and started a family, that became my satisfaction. I find I still long for a performance art so I listen to my comedy albums and dream.
I have the unsatisfied artists demon that claws and bites the inside of my heart until I can't help but let it burst forth screaming and sucking air for I have smothered it far too long. I dream of being in front of people and releasing the frenetic energy that infuses my soul. As I move through my day it seems that all around me move in slow motion, in their lives they do not have the angst and emotion that I struggle to contain with every moment. I have tried Guitar, Crochet, Sketching, Painting, Singing, Running, Skiing, Video Games and Poetry but in total not one has ever landed me where I want to be: in front of adoring fans. I got hoop dreams, Coach, I got em Bad!
I have manic states that sometimes persist for weeks at a time where I feel I can take on the world. I have learned that in the same way an unusually warm day in winter is usually followed by a storm these periods of great creativity and energy are usually followed by depression and anxiety so I make the most of them. They are also unfortunately accompanied by maddening insomnia. During one of these I found my channel finger lighting gently upon the history channels "History of the Joke." I listened to all of the comedians talking about their first flop. The first time they were in front of an audience and they really bit it hard. It may sound crazy but I kind of understood. All my life I have endeavored to win the affection of those around me with humor yet I am rarely taken seriously. It is no surprise really, as even my best efforts are really disingenuous and plageuristic attempts to port someone elses humor through my own corny perspective.
The freedom with which all comedians seem to express themselves is appealing to me. I loved the way that they fearlessly brought out into the light things that most people bury deep in the untouchable reaches of their psyche for fear of their essential humanities exposure. I adored their candor and the ability they had to open their audience up to their ideas. I want that power, I want the ability to make people laugh. As Robin Williams once said, "Once you have people laughing, their open to you." I want my chance.
So what do I want, what do I need to learn to begin to create this form of art? That question alone is a lot bigger than it seems but let's put some spears in this mammoth.


- Why do people want to make other people laugh for a living? Is there a greater significance to this as a job? Do they do it just to get a check? Why would someone take the very real chance of failure in front of a very unforgiving audience as their livelihood?

- Is there any reason someone couldn't learn to be funny? Before I invest myself in this I want to know if I can do it or not. I remember my wife was in a recital once for her piano teacher. I had to sit through twenty some horrific performances before I got to her. The most memorable was an African-American gentleman who obviously was very educated from his diction singing Andrew Lloyd Webbers "Music of the Night." Somewhere softly in the distance I thought I heard Michael Crawford having a massive Coronary. There are people who just shouldn't sing no matter how much training they have had. Are there people who just shouldn't try to be funny? I suppose the other side of that is that later I found out that he was doing it to overcome his fear of public performance to make him a more effective speaker and all around more confident person. Is this an end unto itself?

- Who can I learn this from? David Copperfield doesn't have a pow-wow with his audiences after the show to demonstrate how his tricks are done. If he did he would find himself in the dole queu (That's British for Unemployment Line) awfully quick, don't you think? So where do you get genuine information about the process of constructing actual material to take in front of people?

- How do you make people laugh? Is it always just the right timing with the right mix of universal symbolism or is it inextricably intertwined with truth and emotions at the heart of all people? This is the heart of the matter, the construction of the basic unit of measurement in comedy, "The Joke." How do you build one good joke and then another, and another... and then how do you combine them into just five minutes of hilarity, let alone an hour?

- Historically what is the failure rate? How many of those who try actually get one good act out of their exertions? How many end up working at the post office instead?

- What is my comedic style?

- How far am I prepared to take this? O.K. here is the million dollar question that should be on the mind of anyone reading this, "Is this guy just an academic or is he going to put his funny where his mouth is and take it on stage?" How much am I willing to wager on this bet, Hmmm? I might be prepared to bet my success against one flop. Or two. I haven't decided yet, check back with me in about twenty three paragraphs.